29. Just saying the number aloud sounds like a foreign language, something I dreamt about and woke up in a cold sweat. Twenty-nine. Okay, so it’s not that bad. The worst of it is how well it rolls off your tongue like chocolate pudding, all smooth and cold. Bittersweet.
I remember being 9 years old on my birthday turning 10. I was at my best friend Lorien’s house in San Jose, CA. In between playing in the pool and watching movies, we stood giggling in her kitchen watching her microwave clock as it struck 5:02 p.m. I was 10 years old. Double digits. Once the green 02 showed brightly on the microwave screen for a split second I remember seriousness set in…was I no longer a kid? Am I supposed to act differently? Can I still crawl all over the jungle gym and swing so high I nearly flip over the swing set? Can I still play with dolls?
What does this whole age thing mean anyway? Other than the fact that humankind felt it important to measure each second, each minute and year that we thrive on this planet. The irony of the whole thing is though I may be 29 years of age, I still feel 25 or 21…maybe wiser and mentally more mature. But inside and even out I feel no older than 23.
10 years ago I swore to myself I would be a published author by age 25. Though I had the history of my school published at age 17, which turned out to be an 83-page booklet, somehow it wasn’t the same as a professionally bound book. The smell. My name. Sold at your nearest Borders, Books and Music. Next thing I know 27 arrives with no published novel to my name. I pushed the deadline to 30, and now 30 is 20 days away. Life happens. Now I need to look life in the eye and make it happen. No more wishy-washy “someday….” Today.
10 years ago I figured myself to be good and married, well traveled, with an adorable teething youngster on my hip. Instead, more or less, newly single and both emotionally and mentally in the best place I have been in years – maybe ever. Pinching myself that I live in Washington DC, with a great job, surrounded by amazing people. As I continue to meet wonderful people, while continuing to also reunite with people from my past who remind me just how special of a place California, my home state, truly is and more importantly the friends I left behind when I began this east coast adventure. Life is funny. I have learned to roll with the pain, since from pain comes bliss. The yin and the yang – balance is a daily goal. Life without balance is like a sky with no stars. Dark. Dreary.
10 years ago I studied abroad to Florence, Italy where I had the time of my life. I went to Europe with no expectations just the pure excitement to see something up close with my eyes, to touch it with my bare hands instead of seeing a two-inch-by-two-inch color photo in a book and dreaming of being there. Italy changed my life. I finally had a chance to be on my own – make my own decisions. I received more of an education about life and myself than I ever could have learned sitting in a classroom at a college in the states. Oh to be 19 again and dancing my heart out at Andromeda! l'Italia per sempre!
The past six months have felt like I am back at the drawing board, but this time I have a clear picture in my mind of what I want to paint. I am the artist of my life. No more testing the colors and swooshing lines across the canvas. My 20s were a blur of colors, some bright and some dark like a dance of colors with no real shape or meaning. Though I enter my 30s a single woman, life is taking such beautiful shape and I am excited to see where this picturesque path takes me…
20 days before I turn 30 there is a full moon. Venus, the romance planet in our solar system is beside this glorious full moon…a sign? I sure like to think so.
I embrace my 30s with more passion and clarity than I ever did when I was in my 20s…
I remember being 9 years old on my birthday turning 10. I was at my best friend Lorien’s house in San Jose, CA. In between playing in the pool and watching movies, we stood giggling in her kitchen watching her microwave clock as it struck 5:02 p.m. I was 10 years old. Double digits. Once the green 02 showed brightly on the microwave screen for a split second I remember seriousness set in…was I no longer a kid? Am I supposed to act differently? Can I still crawl all over the jungle gym and swing so high I nearly flip over the swing set? Can I still play with dolls?
What does this whole age thing mean anyway? Other than the fact that humankind felt it important to measure each second, each minute and year that we thrive on this planet. The irony of the whole thing is though I may be 29 years of age, I still feel 25 or 21…maybe wiser and mentally more mature. But inside and even out I feel no older than 23.
10 years ago I swore to myself I would be a published author by age 25. Though I had the history of my school published at age 17, which turned out to be an 83-page booklet, somehow it wasn’t the same as a professionally bound book. The smell. My name. Sold at your nearest Borders, Books and Music. Next thing I know 27 arrives with no published novel to my name. I pushed the deadline to 30, and now 30 is 20 days away. Life happens. Now I need to look life in the eye and make it happen. No more wishy-washy “someday….” Today.
10 years ago I figured myself to be good and married, well traveled, with an adorable teething youngster on my hip. Instead, more or less, newly single and both emotionally and mentally in the best place I have been in years – maybe ever. Pinching myself that I live in Washington DC, with a great job, surrounded by amazing people. As I continue to meet wonderful people, while continuing to also reunite with people from my past who remind me just how special of a place California, my home state, truly is and more importantly the friends I left behind when I began this east coast adventure. Life is funny. I have learned to roll with the pain, since from pain comes bliss. The yin and the yang – balance is a daily goal. Life without balance is like a sky with no stars. Dark. Dreary.
10 years ago I studied abroad to Florence, Italy where I had the time of my life. I went to Europe with no expectations just the pure excitement to see something up close with my eyes, to touch it with my bare hands instead of seeing a two-inch-by-two-inch color photo in a book and dreaming of being there. Italy changed my life. I finally had a chance to be on my own – make my own decisions. I received more of an education about life and myself than I ever could have learned sitting in a classroom at a college in the states. Oh to be 19 again and dancing my heart out at Andromeda! l'Italia per sempre!
The past six months have felt like I am back at the drawing board, but this time I have a clear picture in my mind of what I want to paint. I am the artist of my life. No more testing the colors and swooshing lines across the canvas. My 20s were a blur of colors, some bright and some dark like a dance of colors with no real shape or meaning. Though I enter my 30s a single woman, life is taking such beautiful shape and I am excited to see where this picturesque path takes me…
20 days before I turn 30 there is a full moon. Venus, the romance planet in our solar system is beside this glorious full moon…a sign? I sure like to think so.
I embrace my 30s with more passion and clarity than I ever did when I was in my 20s…
Written: 8-6-2009
